Sister nervous
Husband knowing
But I’m anxious the second time
To be around food from others
Bring food for others to see
I don’t want to be part of an angry group of people
I,m not into competition
Or advocacy
I just feel better
Knowing I’m doing the right thing
But it’s exhausting
Everyone worries your not getting enough
And it’s separate
And it’s expensive
And takes time to prepare
I worry about those parts
But I’m back to it I guess

i debated pornographic video
i twisted to look at my waist
my butt
this is it
we could sell me
my hair drifted along my arms
i thought of heff and marilyn
i twisted it into a wet bun
pulled my outdoor gear over my tights
wore my frilly socks
i wore that same thing so many times
i thought to myself
i ate my chickpeas with pepper
i lost and lost
i liked the way they tasted warm
i looked all around
all the pretty lights at night
just one trip to the bridge would do it
i thought about my waist
and thought about the money
i thought about you
i thought about us
i thought about those sick fucks
who waited for this
i sat and stared out the window
i didnt even photograph
the pounds that stayed the next months
i got so mad i just gave up
which is what i do
i give up
i never hoped for that to happen again
but screw me for thinking it was bound to happen

cat call
hood throw
beat smooth
no glow
moon rises
the lessons
they flow
it go
water rises
through snow
new smoke
cold throat
dont quote
just note

the sound of speaking softly
the feel of patience
feeling the pain
hearing the keys
haunting silence
a dark oak haunts me
echos lift as i
shift my position
a thick mist plugs
the great fog lessens
a host
the sands of an hourglass drift to me
a debating font corrugates
air just lifts up the pages
drifting to this
i focus my energy
my legs lift
my shoes clammer
i am not wanted
i waive my rights
they look to me
my consent
has no capacity
i lift my pen
my book slides under me
marbles drop at my feet
i keep my earwarmers over
my fingertips numb
my throat coughs out the moist air
dizzing thoughts drift me to one side
i keep my ear low
my neck frozen
i lay
and listen
this meaning keeps me near
it says


i created
exposed a lie
discussed its daggers
no dialogue

put together a catalogue

thoughts or whatever
created in blame
ceased to waiver
a written artifact game

it was just too dope to explain

the pages fell written
some crossing remained
misidentified pastor
saving my brain
filed insane
couldn’t remain
tapped the wall
but no one came
suffered inside
screamed in pain
‘the pain
the pain
its not in vain’

erased it all
remained the same

scanned the doctors
for the name

assessing for ways
to pass the blame
forgo this process
and its fame
all the rest
never the same

folding papers
expose the lies
focussing on its disguise

wondering why
the rage the rink
i suppose you know
what i think
the end of brink
brief decay
the lightening link
that goes away

just bloating pellets
to the sink
the rays
the run
the exposing link
the righteous son
the willing ink

who am i
a quiet dear
the one became
too calm and sheer
i just cannot see it clear

sometimes i wish for a remote
thoughts entwine
a vision of most
holy grail
holy roast

let it out
let it clear
let me understand my fear
where it goes
i remain
never to be the same again

the paranoia the laughing came
i watched it all swim away
my dreams and thoughts were over came
i thought i saw a little fame
touching trees
my thoughts they run
a little girl collects items
she thought were fun

thoughts of life go hand in hand
breathe with the one
you wish were sands of time
play on end
like a beautiful frumpy jacket
you found
once was with someone else
is now with you
i tease my own hair
and carry it to pretend

whenever I’m drunk with whiskey
i remember the low places
the things i never said
they way you left early
how i got to talk to your voice

the pain i placed
the urge to get up
and stay up
write with might
say this was once
it might be again
with so much experience
and things to say
so many notes flying away

it burns
the whiskey
it burns in my throat
keeps those words
don’t float away

i wont steal your man but
i will love him too
you can keep him
but i want him once
because long times ago
he was with me
and now i see
we need eachother
to fix up our past
there were things undone
and i cant keep going
unless i keep him
do you agree?