Off the grid

The openness was there
Desolate and serious
How did I get here
Shaking snow down on the path behind my steps
I looked up through the snow that dusted my bangs and touches my nose
I looked to the side
I don’t know
It’s so quiet
I feel so alone
I feel Ive asked too many questions
Said too many real things
The girl who cried wolf
too many times
Here I am
This is what I wanted
Real thing.
This many years I spent telling everyone I was right
Look where it’s got me
No one is here now
Who can I ask
No one
How could I be so stupid
I was so greedy
I never seen the end
My pride dwindled
My ego defensive
It knows what is to come
How much of a fight will it take
Will I take?
I don’t know what else I have left to try
Limited resources
What is life about if there is no one to relate to
No one to care about and to care about me?
I can’t believe they stayed this long
I feel for them
Standing beside me
So ugly I spoke
I am ashamed
I need to think about how to phrase this
I am not the lone wolf I always thought I was
I am a weak feather with no home
No fix
belong where I don’t belong
I am my own home
Ive caused so much suffering
I am ready to stop
I will stop
I Flick the snow from my bangs
My head is pounding. grasp my arm and run my palm through my hair. must of hit my head.
I rustle my pants and dust off the snow.

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